Sometimes I love staying up late night when the world around me is in deep slumber. While some find it eerie I beg to differ . The dark canvas sky lit by a few stars gives me hope that maybe it’s okay to shine light on my scars that I try so hard to veil. My fears, my insecurities and my flaws. My imperfections which make me....me.

“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with somebody else’s highlight reel”- Steven Furtick

How many of us love taking selfies? I for one completely adore it. Now I want you to do a little challenge. Take your phone out and click a quick selfie. And no I don’t mean a highly edited, airbrushed version of you. I’m talking about the all-natural, unedited you. I bet most of you would take a look at it and delete it before you make the biggest mistake of posting it online. *Shudders*.  

Living in a world where social media is our best friend, it is quite natural to get entrapped in a world where almost everything is either airbrushed or photo shopped. And while that is completely okay it does make one forget the concept of reality. Social media presents things in a way that makes them unattainable. Whether it may be fitspiration, relationships or lifestyle, everything is presented in an aesthetically pleasing way that makes us sitting at the opposite end perceive perfection as the new normal. And that’s when people wonder why their life isn’t as fun and colorful as everyone else’s portrayed in the digital world. What you fail to realize is that behind those screens are regular people who are just as flawed as you. 

  When you took that selfie your eyes immediately wandered to your imperfections. Maybe the lighting was off, maybe your complexion wasn’t the right color, maybe you weren’t having a good hair day….honestly the list could go on. Stop. Stop scrutinizing that picture and over analyzing your flaws. Take a minute and focus on any three features which you liked about that photo. And do not tell me you could not even come up with even one. 

Now I want you to do this exercise every day. You do not always have to take a selfie and drain your phone out of storage. You could stand in front of a mirror and point out any three attributes which make you feel beautiful. And I recommend doing this especially when you are having an off day. Mute that nagging voice in your head that says you do not fit the standard expectations. Trust me, you don’t have to. Those imperfections you are insecure about are what make you unique and different from the rest. So embrace it and flaunt them. 

Your peer group or your family might unintentionally give you reasons to doubt your worth. Even your own mind can be your worst enemy if you don’t learn how to control it. Maybe it could be one of those aunties who keep on asking you questions that make you doubt yourself and a family function which was supposed to be a fun event ends up being a tiresome racquetball tournament. Maybe it could be your own parents who won’t quit comparing you to that other kid who scores better grades or has a better lifestyle than you. And when you try to stand up for yourself they shut you down by using your birth certificate as a weapon. Or maybe it’s that inner voice in your head that says you do not belong there and someone is going to out you for who you are-an imposter destined to fail. Thus self-doubt clouds your vision and wreaks havoc on your mental health.

If you feel that you are alone I want you to know that you could not be more wrong. Whilst having a healthy level of self-doubt is beneficial as it is your body’s defense mechanism working to keep you out of danger in unfamiliar circumstances, being overdosed on these negative emotions can kill your mental health.

 So the question arises. How do I control these emotions that stop me from living my best life? 

1. Talking about it goes a long way

Insecurity happens even to the best of us. And it is okay to talk about it. Just because the demons you battle against might be smaller than someone else’s does not make them any less significant What’s not okay is to build a wall around yourself and have those negative emotions pile up on top of each other until you feel that you are stuck in a never ending cycle of anxiety. Sometimes all you need is the comfort of a listening ear. Talk to a trusted friend or family member as they might remind you of your previous accomplishments that you may have forgotten about. If opening up to someone you know feels a tad awkward you could always consider getting professional help from a certified therapist. As long as you acknowledge your feelings and open up about it, finding the solution gets a whole lot easier.

2. Re-evaluate yourself

Now that you have acknowledged your feelings take a minute and look inwards. Sometimes the fault lies within. Maybe the reason why you feel inadequate is because you have a skill or knowledge gap? It’s easier to put the blame onto others but greater strength lies in admitting that you were wrong. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the case for every scenario. There are people out there who enjoy ripping the self-confidence of others to shreds. However if you feel that there is something you can work on or improve, those negative emotions that cloud your vision gets a whole lot cleared up. 

3. Everything is not what it seems 

In a world where almost everything is superficial it’s normal to want to attain that level of perfection. You might be expected to pull a rabbit out of a hat or save the day and when you can’t; you break down into a cold sweat. Fear and anxiety sets in when you fail to perform what you are expected of and you begin to doubt yourself. Let me fill you in on a little secret. You, my friend, are human. You are not perfect and you are bound to make mistakes. And so does everyone else. 

Not even the most put together person has got it all figured out. They might be coming with their own baggage just as you do. So cut yourself some slack. Everyone is too busy worrying over their own insecurities that they barely even notice yours. 

Insecurity strikes in when you are expected to rise to an occasion. Instead of letting self-doubt and anxiety rob you of your inner peace, try channeling your negative thoughts into a positive mindset. Know that you yourself are enough and you have nothing to prove to anybody. The only person in the room who expects you to reach unrealistic standards is you. 

As the famous saying goes, “You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Instead of comparing yourself with someone you idolize, compare yourself with the past version of you and see if you are satisfied with your progress. By setting the bar so high and failing to meet it, you start shredding down your own self-worth and self-confidence.

 In order for you to maintain your mental health, you need to start by embracing who you are: the perfectly imperfect you. 

Have you ever met anyone who has the ability to completely turn off their feelings for a while? Life maybe turbulent, throwing hurdles all across their path but yet they seem to be composed and in control. It’s almost as if they have a switch in their body which can turn off all their feelings. People part of ‘The Vampire Diaries’ fandom know exactly what I’m talking about.

Human beings are the most emotional creatures which prevents them from thinking or acting rationally. While emotions are what makes us human, they do have the power to kill. Letting your emotions have such an influence on you is almost as equivalent to physical pain and why on earth would anyone put themselves through that?! While it’s said that pain and grief does help us grow, wouldn’t it be nice if we had a switch in our body which could turn it off? Wouldn’t it be convenient if we could flip off that switch when we are in a stressed or vulnerable state to stop us from acting irrationally?

Now I might not have any fairy dust which I can magically sprinkle to help keep your emotions in check but there are numerous methods you can follow which might help leave a positive impact on your mental well being.

1.Understand the fact that you CANNOT CONTROL everything

Let’s admit it. We all love to be in control of every situation life has to offer. We all have expectations because that’s how the human mind is wired. While having expectations gives meaning to our life they also do pave the way to disappointment. Maybe it’s that job you worked so hard for. Maybe it’s that recent test you tried so hard to ace. Or maybe it’s that special someone you were so sure you would end up with forever. You had it all planned out and that’s when life suddenly throws a boomerang at you and it all somersaults. Now before you start grieving over it you have got to understand that these are situations you cannot control. You might have given in your 100 percent but if it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t meant to be. Instead of blaming yourself and ruminating as to where you went wrong, convince yourself that maybe that job or that person would do more damage than good in the long run. You can either grieve over it for the rest of your life or you could come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t meant to be and move on with it.

2. Put yourself first

Being the emotional creatures that we are, we always seek joy and comfort in someone else. When doing so we relinquish the power of making ourselves happy to someone else, hoping they don’t break it. While this may sound appealing to a few it is insanely scary. There are a lot of us who are so emotionally attached that we cannot imagine doing life on our own. And if you find yourself wondering why you might be included in that list, well I’m sorry for the harsh reality check, but it is because you don’t love yourself enough. You don’t seek happiness in yourself thus leaning onto someone else to feel validated about your worth. You end up being in sync with someone else’s rythme that the very thought of continuing the journey without them scares you. Now I want you to take a minute and think about how ridiculous that is. It’s said that it’s sometimes necessary to sit on a quiet floor and listen to the sound of your own voice and not let it drown in the noise of others. Maybe it’s time you practice that. You can literally feel the weight falling off your shoulders when you stop letting others decide how you feel.

3. Go cold turkey

Living in a digitalized world has made it pretty difficult to distinguish between reality and virtuality. It’s easy to get so entangled with social media which is why it’s necessary to disconnect from the virtual world when you find yourself slipping up. If you find yourself deeply affected by something on your social media feed it’s OKAY to unfollow or block them. It’s okay to say NO and it’s okay to not want to owe anyone an explanation. Having your mental health being affected on a constant basis is definitely not okay and if there is a way you can stop it, you should take it no matter how extreme the measure is. Is it really worth it trying to people- please everyone if you end up hurting yourself the most in the end? Definitely NOT!

4. Breathe

Now I’m not talking about the involuntary process of breathing we perform to sustain life. I mean….breathe. Just breathe. When you find yourself in a situation which tests yourself, instead of giving into it and letting your emotions run wild give yourself a minute. Let the adrenaline and cortisol run it’s course. Your hands might start shaking, your heart might start pounding or you might end up in a sweat. Now instead of reacting to these changes irrationally by unleashing your emotions try reaching for that switch and just flip it off. I’m speaking metaphorically ofcourse. When you find yourself experiencing emotions you would rather give up on, convince yourself that these are chemicals produced by the brain and you can infact choose if you want to feel them or not. Imagine that when you flip off that emotional switch, you have detoxed yourself from that situation and you can control what you feel. By flipping on that switch you can return back to it whenever you are ready. It takes years to achieve this state of mind but it is not impossible. Yoga and meditation goes a long way so I would definitely recommend this.

5. Distract yourself

When I mean distract yourselves, I don’t mean take in drugs or any other harmful substances which would have a disastrous effect on you in the long run. Find yourself a hobby. Disengage from the world and lose yourself in something you do purely for fun. It could be blogging, cooking, reading, photography or what not. Finding happiness in your own company is easier said than done. But I promise you, if you make peace with yourself, your own company and your own silence, you will find a joy so divine and pure you will never again let anything into your life which can affect that.

Life isn’t a straight road. It’s bumpy. It has curves and bends and twists all the way. Guaranteed that you are going to trip over some rocks and end up with cuts and bruises. You can either stay in your comfort place and cry over these bruises or you could give it time to heal and move on to better things. Ultimately you have to realise that you are not your emotions. You have the ability to choose if you lead them or if they lead you. All you have to do is reach for that switch and turn it off when you want to. The choice is yours.

When I was five I had this pink ballerina tutu which I used to wear everywhere. It was pink and sparkly and made me feel as dainty as a princess, what’s not to adore! The fact that physique changes with time never hit me so i created a huge fuss when my mom gave it away with the rest of my outgrown clothes to charity. Now that I’m 17, it’s not just the materialistic things that I’ve outgrown. It’s the people too. We all have had that one friend in elementary school with whom we vowed to be bffs and made friendship bracelets with. But now we barely say a hi when we cross each at the school halls. Or maybe that high school sweetheart we now vow to marry but when we hit our twenties we might look back and laugh. Or luckily not;) Living in this high tech and fast pacing world it’s normal to meet new people everyday and let them into our zone. We get infatuated by their glossy faces and their even glossier lifestyles that we might turn a blind eye to the fact that some of them might be toxins.

Toxic people come into our lives in all shapes and sizes. The one thing they have in common is the power to drain the energy out of you. They can be family, close friends or people you barely know. Toxic people aim to prey on the emotionally weak people as it’s easier to guilt them into sticking around. They tend to live their lives through yours, expecting you to deal with all their bullshit and that’s just TOXIC!

Even your own family can be toxic or controlling. Now this includes all the typical Indian aunties who uses every opportunity to bring you mentally down. “How much did you score in your boards?” “Didn’t you score a 90+?” Why commerce/humanities over science stream?” “ Engineering or medicine?” They keep throwing such questions at you like a never ending racquetball tournament and a family function which was supposed to be fun leaves you stressed and suffocated before it even started. Parents too might tend to act entitled to control you and use your birth certificate as a justification. But you must realize that you are in charge of your life and not them. If you are legally an adult and they still try to control you, moving on is the right thing to do.

Moving on is a tough battle. Yes, it sucks. A lot. Cutting off contact especially with someone you have known and loved your entire life is hard. Loneliness is going to hit you at the unexpected and you might find yourself sliding back into their DMs. And that’s probably when your best friend has to take extreme measures and change all your passwords(speaking from true experience). It’s not the person you miss, it’s the feeling of belongingness. But you have got to realize that they exploited your kindness and took you for granted. Why? Because you let them and fell for their sorry ass apologies. You need to stop letting others use you as a bait. Stop shouldering the blame and STOP taking responsibility for their actions. You don’t owe them anything. You owe yourself happiness and that’s not going to happen if you let these toxins control you like puppets.

What I’m about to share with you might sound corny and silly but trust me it helps. Get a piece of paper and write down the names of the people you spend most your time with. Now add a postive or a negative sign next to their names depending on the impact they leave in your life. Now cross out all the names with the negative sign. Sounds harsh? Maybe. But if you want to feel empowered and blissful, this is your golden rule.

In life you get to make either choice, 1) Make the easy choice and live the hard life 2) Make the hard choice and live the easy life. It’s your call to make. The world was made for you to explore. Go do that instead of hogging all the comfort food and wasting Kleenex over your “puppet masters “. Smh

Ever since I was a little girl my parents used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. While my brother, the ideal child in our family, had answers varying from being an astronaut to the future Prime Minister of India, me being the ignorant self I was used to reply with the same old “Who the hell knows?!” All i wanted was to be known. And what better than being part of the glamour world that would increase my chances by a 99 percent, right?

Looking back at it now I realize that it wasn’t being one of the gorgeous fashion icons that filled the glossy pages of Vogue or being one of the divas that the screaming fans adored that gave me the drive to dare to dream to be one of them. It was the feeling that would come along with it. The feeling of fitting in.

Now how many of us can relate to that? I bet more than half. You can tell me that you don’t care about what society thinks. You can tell me that you are perfectly content with who you are but at the end of the day, you and I both know that you would be stalking someone’s feed wondering why your life isn’t half as good as theirs. And that’s perfectly alright. It’s not being abnormal and it doesn’t yell ” stalker alert”(unless you channel Joe). We get deluded by those highlights that we try to change who we are just so that we can be one of them. We drift away from our roots just so that we can fit in.

If I’m being completely honest, there have been instances when I’ve hit my lows too. There have been times when loneliness overpowered me. I tried to change the way I act and behave just so that I could be accepted by the squad that I so craved to be part of. And guess what? The loneliness doesn’t die. It resurfaces again that it ends up as a humming in the background. If you have that same humming I want you to know that you are not alone. It’s okay to have that inner voice screaming in your ahead “If changing who I am is what it takes to be one of them, screw it. Let’s do it!” Scratch that. It’s not okay. Your quirkiness, your weirdness is what sets you apart from the rest of the world and the world needs that! If you conformed, you wouldn’t be half the person you are today. Do you really want to be someone else’s plastic copy? I hope not.

So I have this friend (who shall remain unnamed) who once asked me ” Daisy, why don’t I have a 1000+ followers on Instagram ? Why is it that my posts rarely gets any likes or comments? Maybe Im not pretty enough or my style isn’t trendy enough.” And honestly, that’s unhealthy. Does your worthiness as a person gets validated by the likes, comments and followers? You may have a 1000+ followers but how many of them would you actually rely on when you are in trouble? One? Maybe two? Max five? There is always a Behind The Scenes that is playing in everyone’s life. You just don’t see it. So next time your self esteem dips a little lower, you need a reality check up. And so do I.

Sometimes sharing our experience and opening up helps. I know that it sounds lame and corny, like the voice that’s inside my head screaming not to hit the publish button but it’s important. It’s important to know that you are not alone. It’s important to know that there are others too who are going through this phase.

You know that feeling when you at last buy that new exorbitant Louis Vuitton bag at that designer shop you have been window shopping at for the past three months but you don’t experience that priceless joy you have been bottling up for that precise moment? Bummer, most people would say. Maybe you would have been more contended with a less costly sleek watch. Maybe you are just not that into glitz and glamour. Or maybe it’s a wake up call to keep your priorities in check.

Ever since I was a little girl all I would hear was how great I would look in a white coat branded by the title Dr.Daisy Verghese. Everyone from my parents to my teachers and even to my distant relatives would say the same. Being the simple, naive girl I was, I paid heed to their advice without first consulting myself if being a doctor was who I wanted to be. Thus, much to my parents delight, it was decided that I should pursue my higher studies in Allen, Kota.

Precisely, one month before my departure to Kota (and after my dad paid the school fee) realization hit me that I was not following my heart. Call it God willing, call it destiny or call it a wake up call. It was like a rainbow after a rainy day. Unexpected yet relieving at the same time. Much to my parents and even my shock, I gave the idea a big thumbs down.

Being the perfectionist or Monica Geller I am (shoutout to all you Friends fans!) I was piqued that I hadn’t had my life planned out. But if there is anything I’ve learned within these 16 years it’s that life dances to its own tune. Follow your heart, dear readers, and you will know sooner or later where you are headed. All you got to do is find your rhythm and take that giant leap of faith.

Have you ever been in the same situation like me? Let me know in the comments below!

But for now,

Goodbye lovely readers and happy blogging!

Who am I??

That’s one question even I’m searching the answer for. But right now all I can say is that I’m a student, currently 16 in my junior year. Honestly this list can go on and on but for now let’s keep it brief

It quite scares me that I don’t know where I am headed though most of my pals have already decided what they want to do with their life. So that’s the main reason why I’m starting this blog. To seek my passion and know that there are others exactly like me who have no clue at all. Nope, just me? Oh I hope not!

People do tell me that writing in a journal helps me to keep my priorities in check and though that does work at times I feel that is not enough. Filling a book with words might add a dramatic flair in life but I do feel that it is meaningless as no one else can read it except the writer. This is why Penny and me can be great friends:) Get it, girl online fans?

Ta da! That’s it for now. I welcome all of your comments, insights and tips on how to make my blog better. But I must say that I do not tolerate cyber bullying. It’s great that you have your own opinion but my blog should be a site where people help each other and spread love and positiveness . So please keep your cynical views to yourself.

As this is my first blog I’ve kept it general. But please let me know what you want to read next in the comments.

Goodbye lovely readers!!

Happy blogging!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton